Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: You're listening to Connections with Reese Pickard, a space for exploring how faith and real life come together.
Each episode will talk about the challenges and opportunities we face as we seek to connect more deeply with God, with each other, and with our Edmond community.
[00:00:17] Speaker B: Welcome back to Connections.
We Are where we talk about how faith meets everyday life right here in Edmond, Oklahoma.
I'm your host. My name is Reese Pickard, and I'm so glad that you're here.
If you're joining us for the first time, let me tell you a little bit about what this podcast is aimed to do.
Really very simple. It's about helping people find meaning, faith and community in a world that often feels fragmented and hurried.
Our last episode asked a fun but also very important question, and at first, I framed it. Can Christians celebrate Halloween?
Only to really rephrase the question as to how do Christians approach Halloween and what we talked about as how to shine the light of Christ in ordinary moments, especially cultural ones.
But today, we're talking about something a little different. We're going to shift gears to something that touches every single part of our life.
We're going to be talking about relationships, because the truth is relationships, at the very heart of what it means, at the very heart of what it means to be human is we are created for community, and relationships play a significant role in our life.
But I believe that our relationships are under a great deal of pressure.
You know, we live in an age where you can have an instant connection.
You know, whether it's through social media somehow.
You know, there's ways to make instant connections with people.
However deep relationships are becoming increasingly rare. And I believe that there are many people in Edmond, maybe even you, who are listening.
You feel like you're surrounded by people, but yet you still feel unseen.
So let's slow down a little bit and let's talk about why relationships matter so deeply and why they're hard right now and what we can do to rebuild them in our everyday lives.
So let's start off with purpose.
If you're familiar with your Bibles, you know that in the very first few pages of Scripture, you see a God who doesn't exist in isolation. Okay?
Before creation ever began, there was the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, all having a perfect relationship of love and unity.
Then when God made humanity in his image, he said something that he hadn't said before.
He said, it is not good for mankind to be alone. He said that in Genesis chapter two.
And I want you to think about how profound that is, because everything else was good.
The stars, the oceans, the animals.
However, loneliness was not because God designed us to reflect his relational nature.
You see, we were made to belong to God and to one another.
Ecclesiastes 4 says this. It says two are better than one.
If either falls, one can help the other up.
Listen to this one. Jesus told his disciples in John chapter 13.
He says, by this everyone will know that you are my disciples if you love one another.
You see, in other words, our relationships reveal the gospel.
The way we treat people, how we forgive, how we listen, and most importantly, how, how we serve one another.
You know, the way we treat people becomes the living proof that Christ is at work in us and also through us.
But in our modern world, especially here in Edmond, Oklahoma, it is easy to lose that sense of connection.
You see, we can live in beautiful homes but still feel isolated.
In fact, you can even sit in a church pew surrounded by hundreds of people and still feel unseen.
If you live in a neighborhood, you can wave from somebody from your driveway, you can put updates online, but never truly open your door. And what I mean to your door is like the door of your heart.
You know, we've built efficiency, but yet we, in our culture, I think we lack true intimacy.
And in a world that where technology is advancing at the speed at what it is, there's a sense where we need to get back to our purpose.
What we were created, who we were created for, the reason why we were created, and how does God view relationships?
So let's look at what's getting in the way here.
What's blocking this connection, what's changed in the rhythm of life and how relationships ought to function.
A few things come to my mind. I've got a few observations here that I want to share.
The first one is busyness.
You know, I talk to several people on a week to week basis and usually I ask the question, how's everything going?
You know, how's life treating you? Questions like that.
And the number one answer that I get is I am busy.
And I think some people may even wear it like a badge of honor.
You know, if you know, my life right now, if you were to look at my personal calendar, I mean, you would see that my life is certainly busy.
In fact, there's been a few times where I've had to rethink of what I schedule, when I schedule it, and not make sure that every single block or square on my calendar is filled up.
Because what can happen is if I'm so focused on being busy, where's space for those Connections, having those, you know, meaningful conversations that allows me to stop and reflect.
So, you know, the thing is, is that our society, our Western mindset is. We are, it seems like we're always running, we're always going.
And I think, I think when that is the tempo of our lives, what happens is relationships, they move to the bottom of that list.
And you know, real connections, it requires a margin, it requires time, especially deep relationships.
I remember talking to my daughter about this one time. You know, we were talking about relationships and friendships and whatnot. And the way that I explained it to her is kind of something I thought of off the cuff.
But anyway, it made sense in my mind at least. But I said, well, imagine there's three different levels of a friend or, you know, a relationship in general. You've got a level one, level two, level three. Let's say that level one is just someone that you've brushed shoulders with a few times. You've perhaps you know their name, maybe even they've come to a, an event of yours, maybe like a birthday party or something special.
And you know, maybe you spend time with them, maybe one, you know, collectively an hour to two hours a week.
You know, over time perhaps they may.
That friendship may then develop in what I would say is a level two.
Then you spend more time with this person. You get to know them, understand the way that they think. Maybe even there's a few disagreements that you're able to navigate through and still have the relationship. But over time, the more time that you spend, you then realize that this relationship has become all the more meaningful to you.
There is, I've used this term a few times. You have relational equity with this individual because there's not only agreements, but disagreements. There's not only good times, but there's also some bad times that you've been able to share with this person.
And you know, real connection requires that margin, that space. And whenever our calendars are so slam packed full of events and things and tasks, I think we really miss out on something.
I wouldn't call it a luxury. I don't think that relationships is a luxury. I think relationships are a necessity.
So there's another thing that gets in the way of those deep, meaningful relationships. And I see this one a lot more with a lot more amongst men, but that's a fear of vulnerability.
It's much easier to keep things at a surface level, just keep things very superficial.
You know, talk about the weather and. Or quickly change subjects before they get too deep or never really open that door. It's easy to just to be. Keep it light and just keep it polite perhaps, you know, not that anything's wrong with this, but, you know, you want to talk about the Sooners, you want to talk about, you know, OKC Thunder or depending, I guess, depending on where you live, maybe that would be osu.
Hopefully no one gets mad at me for saying that because, you know, I'm from Louisiana, I root for those tigers, but that's neither here nor there. But it's easier to just kind of talk about those things and never really get beyond that. Those are the easier things.
And we avoid talking about our worries, our doubts, or even our pain.
You know, it's so easy to just protect our image instead of really having that connection with someone or even going to that next level.
But I would say to you that when a person is vulnerable with someone, look at it this way, look at it like a fertile soil where trust can grow and flourish. And I think that's when you reach another level of just having that intimacy with, you know, a person.
You know, whether if it's a friend or whoever it may be.
The next thing I think that's, that's a barrier is technology.
Here's an interesting thought here, and this is something that I've just kind of, I've, I've thought about from time to time. And I'm no expert in this. I'm just, I'm just a simple guy, you know, just making an off the cuff operation observation, if you will. I don't have like any stats or anything like that.
But you know, something about social media that gives us access in people's lives, but it is extremely limited because, you know, like I mentioned earlier, there's a sense where people don't want to talk about their pains, their worries or their fears.
And I can show you on social media whatever I want you to see about me. I have, there's a, there's a sense where it's image management. I can control my image and how I'm being perceived on social media.
And you know, the truth be told, I think if everyone is honest, we all have our struggles.
So, you know, you have a sense from social media, from that perspective that there's a sense of visibility.
But what about belonging? What about actually belonging, belonging to a group or community, having that sense of where they say, where you, you know, this person knows me, I know them, I am emotionally invested in them, mentally invested, and they've, they've invested into me.
You know, it's easy to just scroll through what was that called doom scrolling.
You can hit the highlights of people's lives.
And you know, the problem with that, this is more of a side note, is you're silently comparing or wishing you were like this person or you had the life they had.
And you know, there it goes really back to that fear of vulnerability.
So digital contact cannot replace a connection, a relationship, especially a deep connection.
So you can be liked on Facebook, but you can also be lonely in real life.
The next one, next barrier is self reliance.
And let me be honest here, you know, this is a tendency, I'm telling you, this is a tendency, I think that, you know, an ambitious person may battle with. And I don't want to say all, but I think it's easy for people to say, well, you know, I'll pull my bootstraps up, I'll put my big boy pants on, you know, I'll walk it off. You know, whatever the slogan may be or the saying may be, there's a sense where it's like, I'm an adult, I can, I can handle this. And that is an admirable, I guess, trait because there's a sense where like you're taking care of business, but it can morph and shift into, where it's just you are. You isolate yourself.
I don't need nobody. I got this. I'm not going to talk. I'm not going to dump my problems onto people.
I don't need that. I don't need them knowing my business and I'm not going to bother them with that. You know, you can see how this can go.
And you know what, from my perspective, there's a lot of hard working people in Edmond, capable people, I mean talented people. And you know, that is a blessing. It is a blessing to be in a community where, where people have good work ethics.
And I appreciate that.
But like I was talking about, independence can morph and shift into isolation especially.
I mean, you can see how these things build on one another, right?
You don't want to be vulnerable.
You're portraying an image on social media.
You're too busy or you perceive that someone else is too busy.
And so over time you can find yourself in this place where you are just isolated and you know, it can be difficult to get out of that.
You know, perhaps, you know, maybe you start thinking, well, I'm busy, I'm sure they're busy, I don't want to bother anyone.
Or on the other end, I should be able to handle this all by myself. I'm an adult.
But let me remind you I don't personally believe that God gave us strength so that we would be isolated.
I don't think. Honestly, I don't think that is an example of strength.
You know, there's. I think there can be. I think there is a misconception that strength means solitude or isolation. Like, I don't need anyone. This kind of. This stoic individual where I don't feel anything. I don't. I don't. I don't need anyone. I can handle this on my own.
I think that that is a misconception people have, as though that equates to strength.
Let me give you a scripture here from the book of Hebrews. It says in chapter 10, verses 24 through 25, it says, Let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together.
I think that really gives us a principle that if we begin to drift away from other people, I think that's when discouragement creeps in.
You know, when we. When we have that sense of community, that sense of belonging.
You know, it's something about encouragement. I'm telling you, that is super contagious. A man who's been discouraged and then a brother encourages him, or even, you know, you know, even a sister in Christ has someone that pours into her life, that encourages her.
It. I'm telling you, it changes the perspective.
It changes a person's disposition. I mean, it's almost like you turn a 180, you realize that, you know, it's just a change of perspective.
So if you're feeling tired or distant from people, don't start thinking that you're alone in that.
Here's a reminder. And breathe with this. You're only human.
And God's answer to that, to human emptiness, has always been in relationships. And let me just state, as a reminder, first and foremost, relationship with him, relationship with his people.
And not only that, just even the people that he's placed in your life.
So now let's move ahead here.
Let's talk about rebuilding that connection, especially in a world that is so disconnected. And I'm sure there are many things that are coming to your mind when you think about that.
I mean, our world. Our world.
Our world would greatly benefit from people valuing deep connections. And when I say connections, I'm certainly talking about from the biblical frame.
So let's talk about what that looks like to rebuild connection.
Not just a concept, but. But in a very practical way. Okay, so I've got here five habits that you can think about and start challenging yourself of how to live and love people that are in your life right now.
Very simple. Okay? First, one, be present.
I think that what this communicates is, is I see you and you matter.
Which means put down the phone, unplug from social media, unplug from.
From the news, Unplug what's going on hundreds and thousands of miles or even on the other, other side of the globe. Unplug from that and focus your eyes and your attention on the people that is right in front of you.
And not only that, but being present is just more than just, you know, just being there. It's actively listening and involved.
You know, I think one of the simplest things that you can give someone, which is a great gift, is giving someone undivided attention, which I've heard it put this way.
I can't remember who said this, but I just remember the quote.
One way to spell. One way to spell love is T, I, M, E is give someone your time.
A precious commodity that has been entrusted to all of us. We don't know how much we have, but. But we do have time.
And the people that are in our life, we can certainly give them our time.
The next habit is be intentional. You see how that builds off of being present, right?
The reason I say that is because relationships take effort. Relationships don't happen by chance.
It's not just. You don't have. You know, I said the word relational equity.
I think that's kind of catchy.
Relational equity, you can't gain that by proxy. You can't gain that just by being in the same room as someone. I mean, remember what I said earlier?
You could sit in a pew, you can go to an event, and there'd be hundreds of people surrounding you and still feel alone, still feel isolated.
So there's a sense where being intentional plays a significant role in that.
You know, that might mean that you say, I'm just going to call them up. I'm going to see how they're doing. Or, you know, Edmond has some awesome coffee shops around here.
Matter of fact, right across the street from Edmond's First Baptist, there's Ellis Island.
I met with a fellow just the other day and at Ellis island, and, you know, it's got a cool little scenery in there.
It's not a formal scenery. It's very casual and relaxed. And he and I, we had a great conversation.
So set up, meet with somebody, have coffee with them.
There's some nice parks around here. You know, I'm just throwing some ideas out there. It may even be something as simple as just sending a text message.
You know, the thing is, is that we can't wait until we feel like it, because in a world that is constantly grabbing for our attention, Edmond, Oklahoma is a busy place. There's. I mean, it's growing. There's people that are moving here.
Hundreds of people every single year are moving into Edmond.
I mean, they're doing work on i35 right now and on other places around Edmond, Oklahoma. They're. I mean, businesses are being built. I mean, it's. There's a lot going on here.
And I think our community can really rob or take our attention for too long to where we forget to pay attention to those who matter the most to us.
So if you wait, wait till you feel like it, you know, you. You may never will. I mean, don't leave it up for chance.
The next habit is just be real.
I think people have a keen eye for who is being authentic and who isn't.
You know, being.
Being authentic and real. You know, perhaps I can say it this way. Just be humble, really. That's what it is. It's just being humble.
You know, people are drawn towards authenticity. People are drawn towards humility.
You know, think about somebody that's in your life that does give off a very, you know, that is prideful. You know, you wouldn't consider them to be approachable. I mean, you're not going to. You probably won't think, you know, of having a deep conversation with them or talk or being vulnerable with that person.
And so certainly it's super important that we examine ourselves to make sure that we're being authentic.
And sometimes that might mean that we stop pretending that everything is fine when it is not.
There's people, I think, that God puts in your life where you're able to share things with, especially when you're struggling, you know, And I'm telling you, I feel like whenever a person actually is real with someone, it's amazing how God, how he uses that, how he uses that authenticity to just build those bridges.
And, I mean, it truly is amazing how that works.
The next one is be rooted, Be rooted.
Belong to a faith community.
You know, it's.
I think there's also a misconception where people think as long as they are attending church, you know, that's good enough.
But what I would say is actually engage with people actually, you know, like, you know, all these, as you can see, they build on one another.
That might mean just joining a small group, volunteer somewhere, sit down for a meal after, after church on Sunday, whether it's lunch or dinner, whatever have you.
You know, it's not about that you have to know every single person.
But I think you do need to get to know someone.
I think you do need to have that person in your life where you're able to talk about those difficult things with that you're able to be vulnerable with that is able to speak truth into your life, that's able to remind you of grace.
We need people like that in our life.
And the last habit is to be missional.
I think this really puts the cherry on the top here because when you view your relationships as opportunities, I think it's. Then you can begin to reflect the heart of Christ.
Christ came to earth and he certainly built relationships.
But that wasn't the end.
That was the means, the means of connecting them to God the Father and also speaking truth in their life and helping them to live holier lives.
You know, there is something about kindness that, that is absolutely contagious.
I remember hearing one time, I think it was YouTube I was watching, but he may have been like a psychologist or psychiatrist, I can't remember, but he was talking about a single act of kindness and what that does.
So he discussed it from some different perspectives. The first one is the person that is doing the act of kindness. The. There is a.
From his. In his brain, he release, releases serotonin, releases this, this, that feel good.
You know, where you just feel good about what you've done.
But then also from the perspective of receiving the act of kindness, they feel good. They feel like this is right, this is good.
Then he talked about from a third perspective, and that's the person who's witnessed the act of kindness. They too experience the same release or the same. That happiness that the person given as the person receiving is also the person who witnesses it. It's something incredible about acts of kindness that people do that just communicate the deepest level of intentionality.
So when you also, when you show patience and moreover, forgiveness. Forgiveness is super, super important because let's be honest, we're all broken.
Let's be honest with ourselves. We may not have the same struggle as the person down, that's. That's down the street from us, but yet we have ours.
We have some type of defect.
And that is, you know, we all share that. We all share that the human race shares.
The fault is, is that we all struggle with sin in some, some way somehow.
So forgiveness is super, super important in being missional.
And I think by doing these things, that's how people can get a glimpse of of Jesus and who he is.
So if you see your relationships as opportunities to reflect Christ, each relationship is a place where we can show grace.
Truth and grace, truth and grace. That's what John, the apostle in that first chapter is. When he talked about Jesus and he was introducing Jesus in his gospel, he said that he's full of grace and truth, grace and truth.
You know, it kind of reminds me of, you know, one of our connection groups.
They. They noticed a man in their neighborhood who really needed. He lost his job. He didn't have a lot of help.
He didn't really. He wasn't really part of a church.
He didn't really know a lot of people. I mean, he just. His situation, he just, you know, he just. He didn't have a lot of resources.
And because they love the Lord and they love people, they reached out, they tried to provide things that he needs, whether it was a meal or just checking in, you know.
You know, it's acts like this that allow a person to. To. When they walk into a church service and they hear a sermon, you know, it's not about information, you know, transmission or sharing information. It's not just the Christian life is not just, in theory, it's not just a concept.
It's done in very practical ways where a person can say, maybe they could walk into a church service, and they see that it's not just about listening to sermons.
They're able to see God's people and how they truly care for one another and how they truly care for those in their community.
I believe it's that kind of witness where people hear the truth, and they not only hear truth, but they also see how gracious the people of God are.
So there's an element of truth and grace. And I believe that being missional depends solely on grace and truth.
So when you think about this, relationships. Relationships are super important.
You know, within the context of relationships, we actually can learn what love actually looks like, because love always involves another person.
A few examples.
When you forgive someone that hurt you, you reflect the heart of Christ.
When you comfort someone who's grieving you, that's a way you can mirror God's compassion.
When you bear another person's burden, you are acting out the gospel because Christ himself bore our sin burden.
So, you know, every relationship is an opportunity to practice the redemption that we've received to where people can experience what's referred to as the ministry of reconciliation in a very tangible, very real, very practical way.
I believe this is why the enemy fights so hard to divide People, you know, he uses very enticing weapons.
Bitterness, misunderstanding, pride, and, you know, division. When you think of it, at the very core of what it is, it destroys the image of God, who is about unity.
When you think of God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit, three persons, one God, having perfect unity amongst one another.
And Christ himself has given us access to that unity, to that loving relationship that has existed for all of eternity, way before creation ever came into existence.
So when people, especially believers, when they stay connected and you are intentional and you are seeing relationships as opportunity to reflect Christ, you can choose grace over offense.
Or perhaps it's being there for someone instead of withdrawing from them.
It's easy for us to withdraw from places that we feel uncomfortable or if something gets difficult.
Hard withdrawal is the easy thing. But drawing closer now, that's where it's difficult. That's, you know, if you think about it, it's antithetical to the human, to our human nature.
So I think by doing these things, there is a. There's a way that the world.
The world sees something that is good.
The world sees something that's holy.
The world sees something different.
And that's all the difference.
It's all in the difference that people often.
In that difference that people encounter Christ himself.
You know, the church, God's people, is to represent who God is in very tangible, very practical ways. And it's through the church that people experience Christ, the living Christ.
Now, so let me conclude with a few things. All right, so let me ask you, who in your life right now needs that connection?
Who's the person that comes to your mind?
Is it a neighbor, a co worker, a classmate, or even a family member?
Could you reach out to them this week?
You know, perhaps somebody you've lost touch with? Maybe God is putting them on your heart right now. A name has come to your mind right now.
It might even be someone who's just sitting alone at church.
And this is a great opportunity for you to be intentional.
Let's get a little bit closer to home.
Maybe you've lost connection with your own spouse or a child who needs more of your time, who needs more of your heart.
So, you know, those deep connections are not made through these grand, you know, gestures or, you know, these really big things.
I believe they happen through small, consistent ones.
Maybe it's just sharing a meal or taking a walk or just praying with them.
And I believe that true connections with other people must.
The connection with God, that must be in order.
The vertical relationship. I've heard it said, must be in place before the horizontal relationship is effective. In other words, our relationship with God, who is love, that must be right before our relationship with anyone else's is right.
Because when you're secure in his love, you're free to give that away to anyone. Because God is not limited on that resource.
His love is immeasurable.
It's incredible.
So as you're going about your week here in Edmond, Oklahoma, maybe you're running errands, working, raising kids, meeting people. Remember that every face you see is someone God made for connection.
And when you choose to be fully present, you choose to be kind or even fully available.
I believe you're doing something profoundly spiritual because let's remember, it's God who is pleased with these things.
And I think that that's how communities can change. One person at a time, one conversation at a time, one friendship at a time, and one moment at a time.
Well, thanks for spending this time with me on Connections. If today's episode encouraged you, I'd love for you to share it with a friend. Or better yet, use it as a starting point for a conversation this week.
Our next episode, we're going to talk about something that might be stealing those very connections away.
I'm going to talk a little bit more about busyness and burnout.
So we'll look at why people who are often in a hurry can very well find themselves avoiding holiness.
Being in a hurry does not equate to holiness, and sometimes actually slowing down might actually make you more fruitful, not less so. Until then, stay connected to God, to people, and to purpose. I'm Reese, and this is Connections.
[00:41:52] Speaker A: You've been listening to Connections with Reese Pickard. If today's conversation encouraged you, take a moment to, like, share and subscribe. And remember, connection starts right where you are with God, with one another, and with the city we call home.
